The Red Green Show

Maybe it was watching the Olympic curling and hearing the announcer’s pronounced Canadian accent (“aboot” for “about”; “doon” for “down”, etc.) or perhaps it is the 20+ inches of snow we had over the weekend. What ever it was, I got to thinking of a television show from the north that really tickled my fancy the few times I could find it on PBS.

The Red Green Show was one of those TV shows that you could watch over and over. It’s a Canadian product from the CBC and was shown for a time on PBS here in the States. (I’ve no idea if it is still on. When it ran in this area, PBS slotted it for a very, very late hour on Saturday nights. And its appearance on the schedule was erratic. It is no longer shown on any of the local PBS stations.) The show ran for 15 years and 300 episodes before they retired the program yet it never made a great impression on those folks from below the 48th parallel.

Steve Smith plays Red Green

the leader of Possum Lodge, Chapter 13, a northern Ontario eyesore who's motto is, Quondo Omni Flunkus Mortati (when all else fails, play dead). Red has the down home wisdon[sic] of Will Rogers, the rural charm of Garrison Keillor, and about 18 times as much handyman inventiveness as the entire cast of Home Improvement….Red has no children, just a television show that's a fishing show, a fix-it show, and a men's advice program all rolled into about 3/4.

Red is the glue that holds the lodge together. He is friendly, inventive, cheap, and as honest as the day is long, which means he's the least honest on December 21st. When he works on his Handyman projects, Red is not stupid, he's just sort of lazy, impatient, and prone to subsitute[sic] sub-standard items (such as using[sic] duct tape instead of nails, screws, bolts, glass, glue, rivets, solder, or welding) so Red's projects are always less than reliable and more than butt ugly.

If you can watch any one episode (picked at random) and not smile, laugh or even gaffaw sometime during the half hour, you’re not breathing. I may have to invest in some entertainment.


Some wisdom from Red Green:
If women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

Carpe Ductum (Seize the tape.)

On the differences in the sexes: Men, remember, we’re all in the same boat and the women are on the shore laughing.

And the Men’s Prayer (recited at every lodge meeting): I’m a man… but I can change…if I have to…I guess.

From Red's column at Home Envy:

Target practice

When it comes to advertising, middle-aged men are becoming a larger and larger target, both individually and as a group. When you see any of the following features, you can be sure the products are aimed at guys like us:

* Relaxed fit
* Wrinkle-free
* Ultra-light
* Foolproof
* Non-flammable
* Guaranteed for life