Halloween Is Coming. Time to Protect Pumpkins

I've seen many a poor pumpkin smashed upon the roadway by malicious vandals. It is time for someone to step forward and speak for the gourd. (Or is it a squash? Whatever.) Luckily we have People for The Ethical Treatment of Pumpkins People for The Ethical Treatment of Pumpkins to do the job.

Pronounced pet-poo, we are an organization dedicated to the rights of pumpkins.
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We at P.E.T.PU. strongly believe in eating meat. We know far less about a pumpkins state of existence than a cows. Isn't it possible that pumpkins feel pain and anguish? We know how to treat a cow humanely but how does a pumpkin feel when its umbilical like vine is torn from its root system. How long does it take a pumpkin to die? Pumpkins don't have any well-funded, misguided organizations fighting for them. Isn't it hypocritical to fight for animal rights while fattening up on pumpkins? Perhaps total abstinence from food is in order for the animal rights extremists. Pumpkins wouldn't miss them and neither would we at P.E.T.PU.

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